Make a trip with someone, and you’ll know who they really are.
Many believe this because of their personal experience.
Who would have thought I was an exception to that rule?
It happened right before my classmates and I graduated from college.
Before, the friendship was happy and thriving.
Planning hangouts, café hopping, and home visits.
But when we were included in an international exposure program, the entire group was listed.
We were excited to embark on the journey to another country.
Things changed when we got home.
At first, the entire group was full of fun and adventure.
As we got home, some of my friends in the group suddenly felt off.
Something they hated so much turned out to be who they are.
My tactful friends became backbiters.
The worst part of the trip was that one of my friends’ belongings was put inside the bin.
I thought I knew them better, but I did not expect them to be that conceited.
On every ride behind the wheel in another country, the topic was always about them and their satisfaction with the mistreatment they inflicted.
On every trip we made, they had something to say, which I least expected.
- Complaining about the slow driving speed.
- Feeling like a prima donna to the locals.
- Having a harsh reaction to the scent and culture of the locals.
- Keeps cursing everyone who annoys them.
- Unapologetic about intentionally causing a scene.
- Minor issues suddenly become an argument.
- Willingness to be cruel to others.
These friends of mine are showing narcissistic personalities that they hid for a long time.
Despite focusing on a trip, another friend of mine told me something that has no basis at all.
They made up stories about me.
What made them do it? I did not tolerate their actions, and I publicly told them to behave well.
It’s unfortunate to do it to my friends, but I won’t tolerate wrongdoing even if it comes from my closest people.
In that moment, I realized that taking a trip with a friend is the ultimate truth-teller.
Car as a Stress Test
Take someone with you in a car, for example.
When you meet for the first time, both of you either make a good or a bad impression on each other.
Invite anyone to ride with you behind the wheel, and their first moment with you will tell how they will behave in the long run.
Whether it’s a relationship, friendship, partnership, or kinship.
A moment inside the car can test someone’s character.
Most of us are observant on that first encounter, so you’ll identify who’s performative, genuine, or challenging to deal with.
But can someone’s character be tested despite not being in the car?
Yes, there would be challenges along the way.
Traffic, accidents, unexpected encounters, cancellations, and even aberrations.
Although reacting to the challenges does not automatically mean they’re the worst, the way it is expressed can be someone’s breaking point.
The problem is not the ability to complain, but how often they do it.
For a person with narcissistic personality, the way they complain has a sense of entitlement and dismissive actions.
The car doesn’t expect it to happen; true behavior shows up when it’s unintentionally triggered.
What if the Driver Makes a Mistake?
For instance, you are riding with someone you’re dating for the first time.
Suddenly, the driver makes a huge mistake.
Your date starts to complain, but in a soft tone.
You shrug it off, believing they’re just calm to be with.
Minutes later, the driver makes another mistake. But this time, your date is slowly triggered, and the tone changes.
You notice it, but you easily shrug it off, believing reacting like that was normal.
But several minutes later, the driver suddenly makes mistakes again.
Instead of being understanding or chill in tone, the complaint is getting intense.
Not just that, the cycle of complaining is getting worse, and your date starts to resort to yelling, name-calling, cursing, or throwing harsh comments.
Now, your attention gets that treatment, and you realize one thing: your date is telling you that everyone seems to be the problem.
You’re starting to believe that someone has a narcissistic personality when they blame everyone but themselves.
They see everything as wrong or affecting them, even though it was a minor issue.
Complaining is not the problem, but their inability to recognize that they’re overreacting is the real challenge.
Inform them to “Take it Easy”
Imagine you and someone got in a car.
Others would prefer that the car run slowly and safely.
Notice how your date would respond.
When they’re calm about it, they are willing to do it for you.
Some would agree.
Others would apologize before agreeing, a more lovely response.
But if they take it as an offense, suddenly it becomes a problem, and it might lead to an argument.
The problem becomes you.
People with narcissistic personality tend to make you realize that:
- They take suggestions as a criticism.
- Inconsiderate of the feelings of others.
- Suggesting is deemed as lording it over.
- Opening is a problem.
If they can’t handle a simple request, start thinking about how they react to much heavier ones.
About Being in Control
Someone might inevitably have opinions on almost everything.
Whether it’s your first time meeting up or not.
Take, for example, if you’re the one driving, or you have a driver do it for you.
They’re feeling restless, like they can do the following:
- Suggest taking the alternative route
- Ask questions about the driving speed
- Ask if it’s okay to turn the music down
- Turn the air conditioner on
- Doubting the preferred parking area
You’re the one or the driver is driving, but your companion wants to gain control over almost everything.
Demanding, requesting, or bombarding you with questions.
There could be moments when they want to gain control of the traffic flow.
But when you or your driver say that you are aware of the direction and you snap out of it, that’s where the misunderstanding starts.
It might be that they’re trying to help, if that’s the only thing they are focusing on.
However, if they are trying to have a say in:
- What you’re wearing
- What you love doing
- What you have achieved
- What you are dealing with
- What direction you are taking your life in
That’s a different story.
They might show signs of a narcissistic personality.
Because narcissists tend to overstep boundaries and won’t be apologetic for it.
Treatment to Strangers
There’s an old, yet useful proverb that talks about relationships:
“Observe how someone treats others who can’t provide them anything.”
When they try to disengage from other people’s personal business, yet are respectful toward them, they are trying to be human.
But when somebody shows a hint of arrogance, disgust, and superiority toward people, that’s a clear sign of a narcissistic personality.
Towards strangers, narcissists are:
- Impatient
- High and mighty
- Hypocrite
- Inconsiderate
- Self-centered
- Materialistic
They treat strangers as tools. When they’re useless, it’s easy to throw them on the bus.
Each behavior has a pattern that you must pay closer attention to.
It’s critical that you can distinguish valid behavior from arrogance.
Seeking Accountability, Reflection, and Changed Behavior
Nobody is perfect; we all must accept our flaws.
But what matters is how we own up to our bad or arrogant behavior.
Not all first-time meetups are perfect or successful.
Expect the unexpected challenges along the way.
These hurdles are not planned; life is just that unpredictable.
That’s something most of us should remember.
Some moments make us emotional, carried away by mistakes that pile up and test our patience.
A genuine person would always:
- Apologize for that behavior and recognize that it’s uncalled for.
- Proceed with accepting the consequences of that action and do better.
- Expect that the same behavior will not happen in the next encounter.
- Think of better ways to handle or resolve matters in the future.
They don’t need to keep justifying their bad actions or blaming anybody.
Dealing with the Narcissistic Pattern
If you happen to know someone who shows a behavioral pattern of a narcissist, it’s better to deal with them carefully.
Being honest doesn’t mean you have to be tactless.
Instead of confrontation, communicate it in a way that doesn’t bump into their ego.
Stop saying: “You’re a narcissist!”
Just say: “The driving speed made me uncomfortable; I felt unsafe.”
Observe how they will react.
When they apologize for it and assure you, there’s a chance for honest communication.
However, if they made you feel like it’s a “you” problem, it tells you exactly how they feel about you and your sentiment.
They might show signs of narcissistic behavior or personality, but that doesn’t mean they have narcissistic personality disorder or NPD.
Only an expert could rule out whether someone has NPD.
Yet, you can still spot if someone’s behavioral pattern has a hint of narcissism to it.
The key is to be attentive.
Stop being blinded by their potential; watch how they treat everyone and everything else.
Ties of Car, Test of Character
A car isn’t a psychological tester or an expert-approved method of character testing.
However, how a person behaves in and out of the car tells everything about them.
It reveals how someone manages their expectations, accountability, emotions, and boundaries.
Not everyone is willing to admit their own lapses.
But if you are humble enough to accept your limitations and are open to changing your behavior, you will go far ahead in life.
A narcissist can truly drain you as a person.
It’s great that you must disengage from them if they’re unwilling to be accountable and change for the better.
If someone can feign their treatment during your first meet-up, unforeseen challenges will easily unmask it. All you have to do is be mindful and observant of their behavior.