Have you known someone who you think is the most likable person?
You can’t think that nobody dislikes them, not even their own family or relatives.
When you’re with them:
- Waiters smile at them.
- Strangers are comfortable with them.
- Colleagues trust them.
- Neighbors help them
- Acquaintances collaborate with them.
- Professionals respect them.
As if everybody is focused on helping them when they’re around.
Dealing with them is an ideal encounter.
But wait, that’s what you only knew.
The outside treatment they received from people within the community.
What if I tell you that treatment isn’t the same at home?
You may not have the same level of respect, trust, and the best parental treatment that they got from everyone, but you have the comfort of your home.
In short, you cannot have it all.
Such treatment may not easily make one a narcissist; it’s best to unmask their behavioral patterns in friendships or relationships.
Being the darling of the crowd and the neglected family member at the same time is worth the scrutiny.
But why does this happen?
The Stranger Gets VIP Treatment
Imagine that you and someone enjoyed some time in a restaurant.
The waiter brought the wrong meal to your partner.
But your partner acknowledges the mistake and politely tells the waiter to change it.
Patient. Calm. Peaceful.
Amazing right?
Then both of you went home.
However, you forgot to buy some essentials.
Instead of being calm, polite, or patient, they treated you differently from the restaurant staff.
However, your partner’s treatment becomes different.
Although you don’t deserve to be treated badly, if it’s becoming habitual, there’s a deep yet bad reason for it that you must know.
Nobody is deserving of this mistreatment, regardless of whether you are a friend, relative, or a potential partner.
Desperate for a Clean Reputation
Other people equate public image with a frame for their personal credibility.
They might not seek attention verbally, but they are quietly working on it to be likable to the public.
It’s given that they will project an image that the public can’t help but appreciate or feel insecure about, if it’s necessary.
Usually, they would set their image as somehow:
- Effective
- Victorious
- Supportive
- Appealing
- Playful
These qualities are what make a person extremely likable in everybody’s eyes.
That’s how they acquire prestige, approval, and a sense of entitlement that they enjoy from the public.
However, if someone is narcissistic, they are doing this by being cunning.
Their personality can easily switch, especially when people are no longer watching them.
Narcissists crave attention secretly and would always cling to it if there is always someone gazing at them.
People who aren’t narcissists understand that attention is something you must not chase or beg for from everyone.
That’s why narcissists ensure they have a clean public image, because that’s their mask for their worst behavioral patterns.
Comfortable That Led to Disrespect
Some people you met the first time feel you are comfortable bonding with.
When they hope to get you, they usually make the following efforts:
- Trying to be attentive
- Initiating questions
- Apologizing for mistakes
- Express gratitude
- Remembering small details
- Treating you softly
All of it is done strategically, either to be close to you or to something more.
But when they think they’ve done everything to prove themselves, all of it suddenly stops.
When they believe they have achieved a level of comfort and complacency with you, that comfort transforms into a level of disrespect that dominates the relationship.
Eventually making the relationship one-sided.
They stop believing that a relationship or friendship must be reciprocal.
When you tolerate the one-sided treatment and they are unable to provide you with anything, narcissists believe that because you love them, you won’t let them go.
So they will use that opportunity to keep you to boost their validation.
Hence, the disrespect on your part continues.
This is a visible narcissistic behavior.
If your partner or friend treats you this way unapologetically, the best and only way is to stay away from them.
Tolerating them further will only drain you, because their disrespect toward you will only let them harbor mistreatment in your blindness to their potential.
Nobody should be comfortable with you, which allows them to disrespect you.
Prioritizing Others Over You
Nothing is more insulting than a potential partner or a friend who chooses to prioritize others over you.
For instance, when their friends ask for help, they are always one call away for them.
But when you ask for help, they’ve had plenty of excuses to give.
While they’re available for other people, you, on the other hand, have been neglected and have gotten used to such treatment.
Or there could be times when they are so sweet to you once more because they want to ask a favor of you.
However, that same treatment won’t make them budge for you.
As if your role is to understand them, even though they won’t do the same for you.
They would also drain these things from you:
- Time
- Energy
- Effort
- Resources
- Connections
- Friends
- Freedom
- Emotions
- Commitment
You’ll easily distinguish if someone is into you or is keeping you for their egotistical boost.
A busy person won’t use you for specific advantages; only a narcissistic person is audacious enough to do that.
The Irony of Being Everyone’s Favorite
Being with everyone’s favorite is ideally great, especially if it’s your partner or closest friend.
Imagine the favor and motivation you can get from joining them.
They have the support, trust, and approval of everybody.
As the darling of the crowd, they appreciate and reciprocate the treatment to others.
However, if your partner is narcissistic, they would treat you otherwise.
This is the struggle of being closest to everyone’s favorite.
Despite being good to others, they can’t do the same to their partners or closest friends.
Instead of being your staunchest supporter, like they used to be for others, they become your most unwanted critic.
They easily become unavailable or emotionally absent when it comes to you.
React to their actions for once, and they’ll call you sensitive. You become the problem.
Even if you confront them, they can manage to shift the issue and turn the situation so that you become the problem.
Instead of feeling great about yourself, you can’t help but feel inferior.
This is a typical narcissistic personality that aims to manipulate you.
Only by being communicative and assertive about your worth can you stop being the willing puppet in their playbook.
Call Out Their Behavior
When their behavior shows similarities to patterns of narcissism, it’s better to call it out.
However, this can be achieved by restructuring your sentences well.
Confronting won’t work effectively; it usually results in an unwanted argument.
Never confront their behavior, but attempt to communicate without them feeling attacked by your use of words.
Don’t say: “You are so harsh to me!”
But rather say this: “I noticed that you treat other people with patience, but not with me, and it’s actually hurting me.”
When they apologize, that suggests they have unintentionally given you the worst treatment.
If their responses become sarcastic or defensive after expressing what you feel, their refusal is a sign that you speaking up hurts their ego.
Their refusal to take accountability is an internal problem that may eventually become a relationship challenge.
Never Compete for Others to Chase Them
A popular quote online says: “If someone can have you, I don’t want you.”
This quote reminds us that when our partner decides to treat everyone better than us, it’s better to let them go.
When someone is truly interested in you and won’t trade you for attention, they won’t allow others to take precedence.
Otherwise, they are only keeping us for convenience.
Whether it’s friendship or romance, good treatment must be reciprocal; otherwise, one will learn to resent the other because they chose to be too convenient.
When somebody tries to keep you for convenience, know that you have the right to be with people who respect and love you enough.
Be Observant of the Behavioral Pattern
Let’s be clear on all matters.
When someone behaves badly, that person doesn’t mean they already have a narcissistic personality disorder.
Only experts can tell if someone has a narcissistic personality disorder or not.
Someone can display narcissistic behavioral patterns, whether they are truly aware of it or not.
According to the American Psychiatric Association, some of the narcissistic behaviors are:
- Lack of empathy
- Comfortably rude to you
- Hungry for attention
- Inconsiderate
- High and mighty
- Defensive
- Liars
- Pretentious
Always remember that these behaviors can only be recognized as a narcissistic personality when they’ve been inflicted on you numerous times.
That’s why it’s best to be attentive to a person’s behavior and mannerisms.
Be Careful About Being “Too” Good
Being the most lovable person of the masses is a dream, but such an image is challenging to maintain.
It could be a celebrity treatment for all we know, but the consequence is that your life becomes an open book.
Everyone might love them, but only attentive people know your partner or friend has created lots of unseen flaws.
If you want to spot whether they show signs of narcissism, here are the following symptoms:
- Craving for control.
- Different treatment of close people
- Their perception of you
- Their personal treatment of you
Regardless of their treatment, keep your treatment of people genuine, without expecting literal reciprocation.
But when they can’t do good to you, at least it’s better not to waste your energy on these people.
Don’t settle for less or allow yourself to be taken advantage of.
Narcissists are naturally parasitic and disrespectful of your boundaries.
Never measure your worth by the people who don’t appreciate it.
Also, never save someone from their misery if they are preparing to drown you with it.